Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Motherhood-The Creeper That Bites You in the Butt

Confessions of a Single Mother.

If someone told me ten years ago that I would be raising two generation-z boys, I would call them crazy. Crappy diapers and sleep deprivation  were not my idea of a good life. My career was taking off and I was making good money. The idea of duplicating myself - a self centered brat, seemed like a grave disservice to humanity at large. 

Fate will have its way no matter what your plans are.

For a decade doctors told me I could not have any children. Once my maternal instincts were done grieving - about a week at best, I accepted my infertility as a fact. I never wanted to have any kids so it seemed fate was playing right into my hands.

Surprise! Surprise! The doctors were wrong!

GenZ #1 Arrived in January 2004. An absolutely gorgeous blue-eyed boy, who knocked us off our feet the moment he laid eyes on us. But despite my son's charm my maternal instincts were just not kicking in   I wanted to run away. I couldn't wrap my brain around this new life changing event for months. The fact that I only found out about my pregnancy late didn't help. I basically had 4 months to transition from independent me - to me being a room and board for 9 months to a life that was coming no matter what! Fate had its way. GenZ1 is the perfect proof.

Second Time is the Charm!

GenZ#2 Arrived in December 2004. Man oh man, is he ever the charmer! This is a kid that can shred your heart and win you back with his puppy dog eyes within the same ten minutes. Unlike his brother, GenZ2's arrival was known from the day of conception. I actually had a choice this time! At least it felt like I did. I wasn't too keen on having another screamer in the house. GenZ1 was only 2 months old and I was sleep deprived to the point of just being functional. 

Fate uses our loved ones to get its way.

My mother was a wise woman, God rest her soul. She advocated for GenZ1 like a champ! "A child needs a sibling...after all I was an only child and don't I remember how lonely I used to be as a kid?" She had a very convincing manipulator  kind of personality. I still didn't want to have any kids, but my principles wouldn't allow me to kill a life.

Growing pains polish your personality.

My blog goes into the details of the trials and tribulations of raising two genZ boys alone. For now let me just end this post by saying.....I would never be who I am today, had it not been for my two boys. Their mere existence motivates me to be a better person, because I have a sense of responsibility to show them the right example. I fail miserably on some occasions, screw it up quite often, but one thing is always constant. I can laugh at my own mistakes and learn from them,knowing that tomorrow I will do better.  

If you can't run away at least be able to laugh at yourself!

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